A little more than 16 years ago, I was manically pacing the rooms at home, tears streaming down my face, in shock and fury. The news that Daniel Pearl had been beheaded by Al-Qaeda had just come through on TV. The only thing I knew about Pearl was that he was a journalist with The Wall Street Journal who was in Pakistan for investigating a story; that he had been abducted, and killed.

I had been studying for journalism college for a year by then, studying quite hard; and had begun my round of entrance exams. I did not have any idea what it meant to be a journalist--no one in my entire family had any clue either--but that is what I wanted to become. Why? Well, I still ask myself that question. (In that very journalism college, a few months after Pearl's murder, classmates would be poring over a video on the internet that claimed to show the actual footage of the beheading. I watched my classmates from a distance, wondering if this is what really sells--the sight of one of your own being slaughtered.)

My tears at Pearl's killing was because I had no idea that something like this could actually happen. That actually goes to show what I knew of the world, and of journalism in particular.

Sixteen years later, today, I read the obituary of Jamal Khashoggi. I have followed the news, as I do, dispassionately, since it broke. Followed what each party has presented, alleged and defended. And I don't feel much. I don't feel shock, or rage, or, frankly, even surprise. To me, it is news, a development, an indication of certain things.

For, yes, I am no longer that naive, ignorant babe-in-the-woods who is out to change the world. But also because I have seen, in these years, the effects of what can sometimes still be called journalism.

PS: And on the same page as Khashoggi's obit, was an article about US military engagement in Afghanistan. It's been 16 years, and those buggers still can't get their heads out of their arses to see the royal fucking mess they created. Maybe, like Vietnam, it will take them a quarter of a century to admit they failed.