There would be some, perhaps, who would say that you should not begin a new year by looking into the past, but by looking at the future. But a string of songs today brought back an image which was... I am not sure what really, but it brought back a lot of things.

Manna Dey was singing on my laptop - "Dil ka haal sune dilwala" - when a lap-lit evening formed itself in my mind. It was one of the innumerable lap-lit evenings that formed my childhood. A warm, yellow, dim glow spread through the house. The air hot and humid most of the time. The clinks of utensils sounding louder than usual in the semi-darkness. A taal-paata fan in hand. Tilting back and forth on the rocking chair. Waiting for the curtain to be lifted by an occasional waft. A mind rendered vacant with the heat and the knowledge that trying to do anything at all would end in nothing but futility. And from the ground floor, the sound of the radio...

Vividhbharati. Hawa Mahal. And what music...! It filled the air, the heat, the dim glow and every crevice of the vacant mind. The melody said that everything was really alright. This darkness too would pass...

Now, after almost 15 years, I find a sense of peace and security in that image. Strange. For while living it, I am not sure what I would find in it except the helplessness of inactivity. That is the advantage of the past I guess... it always looks better on hindsight - as Rushdie put it "the memory creates its own reality".

And today shall be tomorrow's past as well. I am living a moment that I will cherish 15 years from now... the wonders of the mind never cease to amaze!